The holiday season can be full of stress and anxiety for many. In order to combat this impending anxiety, Dr. Marty Tashman of Somerset New Jersey has developed a three-part method in which he calls “FAB” which stands for Feelings-Attitude-Behavior.
Handling difficult issues well involves engaging in the right behavior.
Here is his third and final step for combating stress in this three part series:
The Third Step - Behavior (action)
Dr Tashman suggests 5 different strategies in adjusting your behavior:
Strategy #1 Plan With Your Partner
“For example, You are concerned about visiting in-laws….Behavior Plan with your partner”, Tashman suggests.
“If you are worried about your parents or in-laws talk things over with your partner. Anticipate possible problems and come up with a game plan.
Plan how you are you going to handle things if there is a problem”
Dr. Tashman even offers a helpful tip: “Whenever possible each person should take the lead in handling problems in their family, that is if there are in-law problems, ask your partner to help you out and run interference for you with their side of the family”
Strategy #2 Re-evaluate Traditions
The next example for which Dr Marty Tashman adds insight is if you just have too much to do.
“Evaluate the traditions you are trying to arrange and ask yourself if the old traditions are too expensive: emotionally, financially, or in terms of the time necessary to set up or to do something. Think about the possibility of starting new traditions.
Talk with people you trust and see what you can come up with.
Remember about those conversations in your head and also about getting yourself in a positive mood”
Strategy #3 Rehearsal
“Imagine things working out well in your head. Go into as much detail as you can regarding the issue you’re concerned about and think how it will play out with a positive tone,” Tashman adds.
Strategy #4 Mini- Meditations
The next strategy Tashman discusses is a situation in which “You have too much to do and are feeling overwhelmed”
His plan of attack is to “take 2 minutes out and sit quietly, listen to soft music, or have a cup of tea. By just breaking the frantic pace you can improve your state of mind and you may even be more efficient. Remember that sometimes going too fast means making more mistakes”
Strategy # 5 – Finding Happiness
“I have three ways of defining happiness:
(1) The distance between our positive expectations and our reality.
So to make yourself happy – develop expectations that are realistic and then spend some time thinking about what it will be like when you experience them.
Tip: Be as specific as possible when setting those expectations. For example: Picture yourself having a great meal with people that you love and love you.
Think about what the conversation will be and hear the laughter in your head, enjoy the taste of the food and think about how nice it will feel to eat with the special people in your life.
(2) Happiness is enjoying the moment.
When you are doing things to get ready for the holiday, see if you can enjoy the process; as you are running errands in your car listen to music that you like and enjoy having the time on your own to hear or even sing with the music.
(3) Happiness can be positive anticipation.
Think about the things you are looking forward to and that you enjoy rather than thinking about how rushed you are. Notice how much time is spent with the negative thoughts/feelings and how much is spent with positive ones.”
On Making All Of This Work
“The main variable as to whether any of these ideas will work is your level of motivation to have a happy successful holiday. There is a big difference between liking the idea and being truly driven to work on it,” Tashman adds.
Here’s how you can tell the difference, on a scale of 1 – 10 ask yourself:
How motivated am I to change?
Here is what it takes to really change
(1) Be willing to spend a little time on a daily basis following the above suggestions
(2) Have a positive attitude and start from a position that at least some of these ideas can work for you.”
You can reach your marriage counselor Dr. Marty Tashman at:
(732)246-8484
www.YourMarriageCounselor.com
